Archive for July, 2005
Modern surveilance technology is remarkable these days, it really is. Take the humble digital baby monitor. These things are a triumph of radio clarity.
We used to put it next to baby’s head so we’d be sure of hearing him if there was a problem, but there really is no need since it’s incredibly sensitive.
In fact, it’ll transmit the sound of someone on the toilet in the next room in digital 5.1 surround sound*.
This sounds wonderful until father-in-law comes over of an evening with a bad dose of irritableness of the bowels. It’s not the sort of music you wish to treat your guests to.
This morning however, it developed a new quirk. Seemingly, someone who lives on the same street has bought the same type of monitor. This is remarkable because the nearest candidates must be three or four houses away.
Thanks to the wonders of low-powered digital broadcasting, I was awakened to the chaos of their normal morning routine. At the press of a button, I could tell what temperature it was in their nursery too, which takes spying to a whole new level in my book.
So if you have recently bought a Tomy digital baby monitor with built in thermometer, and if you told your child “fifty times” about something this morning and have threatened to revoke paddling pool privilages later in the day, then you might want to switch your unit to channel ‘B’.
Thanks.
* - may be exaggerated
UPDATE:
I just realise that this might work both ways and they might be able to hear me. This has opened a world of possibility. Ghost noises and evil cackles are the most obvious. Ideas on a postcard please.
July 11th, 2005
Before I continue with this post, isn’t this just the cutest baby you’ve ever seen? Seriously.
A family day out today to a theme park. Loudoun castle theme park to be precise which is a place so close to me that I’m amazed I’d never actually heard of it before.
If you’ve never been, then I can recommend it. For around a tenner you get unlimited shots on all the rides and roller coasters and there’s virtually no queueing. Fantastic.
Even the kids enjoyed it, and two of those are 6 months old or under, so that’s got to be a good thing.
Hurray for nausea inducing human-whirling machines!
July 9th, 2005
Well that’s me back at work. I’ve been off you see, for a marathon six weeks. That’s almost as long as the time I broke both my arms in a daring bike stunt*.
So why the period of absence? Let’s just say that an enormous amount of bad shit like you wouldn’t believe is happening and I had to be off work to deal with it. It’s a good thing to be back at work though - I need the distraction to stop me from cracking up.
Have you ever noticed that life is unpredictable? I have. It’s a very very good thing that it is, too. For the past six or seven years I have noted with interest that at least one big thing always seems to happen every year that you couldn’t possibly have predicted. It’s a fantastic realisation. It might be something as simple as splitting up, finding someone new, getting a new job, moving to a new house or something devastatingly tragic.
The important thing to notice though, wether it’s good or bad, is that you have no way to know where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing a year from now. Without this simple piece of knowledge then how are you ever expected to cope when a year comes along that dumps all the bad stuff on your lap. Next year, chances are you’ll be unpredictably happier, or dealing with much more interesting problems. Life’s interesting that way.
* - Bike was a mountain bike. And it wasn’t that daring. Nor was it a stunt. And the child I hit was ok.
July 8th, 2005
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