Archive for May, 2005
You know what would kick ass? Remote central locking for your house. You can get it for your car, so why not your house?
This is the sort of thing that pops into your head when you’re lugging shitloads of Tesco bags up the steps to the door with the keys placed inconveniently in your pocket.
The last visit to Tesco was a monster shopping. The whole house had become completely run down on supplies so we achieved a new personal record of £168 on groceries. This isn’t typical by the way.
The only thing that stopped me from having a heart attack was my fevered love of Tesco clubcard points. Seriously, I love my Tesco clubcard. I love to check my reciept after shopping to see how many points I got. I love handing over a bunch of clubcard vouchers and thinking about how many bonuses I’ve just clocked up. I also love those little extra vouchers they give you at random that pop up with your reciept just to say thanks for having a clubcard.
Mind you, the last two random vouchers I got were both to get bonus points if I bought sweets. This is Tescos way of saying I’m a big fat wobbly chocolate muncher, and that they know what buttons to push with me. I can get 25 points and a multipack of dairy milk bars. Can’t… say… no…
My only regret was not saving my double-points voucher for the monster shop. I’d frittered it away on a far lesser shopping a few weeks previously. Ah well, I can only improve at the game.
May 14th, 2005
I’m off to Germany soon for a wedding and I’ve decided that it would be helpful to reawaken my long standing struggle with learning a foreign language.
German is a favourite due to my delusion that it’s an easy one to learn. Unfortunately it’s not an easy one to remember without constant use.
I can count to ten, I can say “Where is the thermostat?”, I can say “I love you” and I can also say “I love sausages”.
I found a book called ‘Learn to speak german in six weeks’ at the back of a shelf the other day. Despite only having three weeks to spend on it, it has helped me to add the following phrases to my ever expanding vocabulary:
- “No, unfortunately not”
- “What do you do?”
The phrasebook tried to teach me many more than that but the only ones that have taken hold in my head are the ones above. It’s interesting that the way I learned the ‘unfortunately not’ one was by the book’s choice of example.
“Are you Boris Becker?”
“No, unfortunately not”
A beautifully surreal conversation snippet that sticks in the head and refuses to budge. None of this uninteresting ‘Where is the restaurant?’, ‘Over there’ nonsense here.
May 10th, 2005
What do you do?
You’re taking in the washing, and unpegging all the clothes at speed because there are signs of rain in the air. You speedily unpeg three pairs of boxers on one go and lift them off the line.
Suddenly, you are forced to cry “What the fuck?” and throw said boxers to the ground because there’s a bee/wasp like buzzing noise coming from inside one of the pairs.
On lifting them up and peering inside each one, there is no sign of a wasp or a bee.
I’ve just put them in the ‘cleaned’ laundry pile upstairs and left a mental note for myself to try to deal with it later. Do I a) Inspect the boxers and risk getting stung? or do I b) throw three good pairs of boxers (Including my lucky black pair) into the bin in order to avoid a wasp sting on my testicles.
Option b) seems rash, but please bear in mind we’re talking about a wasp sting to the testicles here.
Anyway, back to the household chores…
May 9th, 2005
I’ve stuck google ads on the site to see how much money I make. Kinda ugly, but I’m going through a blog template self destruction phase that usually preceeds a dramatic overhaul.
I need ideas for a new career that fulfills the following criteria:
- Pays for my mortgage
- Makes me happy
- Requires no commitment by myself with regards to time or money.
The best I’ve come up with so far is putting google ads on my blog. I doubt it’ll pay for my mortgage, but I’ve made $0.12 today alone. I admit that that might have been due to the click I did on an ad myself, but $0.12 is $0.12.
Anyway - ideas in the comments if possible. No suggestions of prostituting myself please. It’s not that I’m against the idea, it’s just that I think my wife would disapprove.
May 6th, 2005
I’ve just voted. Yay for me.
It’s only the second time in my short history that I’ve done it, the first time being after I became old enough to vote and I went along for the experience of it. At the time I had no idea who to vote for, so picked SNP at random. I’m sorry about that.
This time though, is the first time that I’ve felt informed enough to make a vote worthwhile. I don’t think it will be the last either because now I’ve picked someone to run the country I’ll feel that I have a right to be pissed off should the bastard fuck up.
Then I’ll vote that swine right out of there. The power is dizzying, it really is.
Oh, and I found the Neilston webcam. If you watch for a while, you might see voters on the way to vote at the primary school where I just voted. To get there, start at the driveway on that webcam image, turn right and walk up the hill for a little less than a minute, and then follow the ‘polling place here’ signs on the school gates.
LOOK MA! I’M BLOGGING, I’M BLOGGING!
May 5th, 2005
How long does it take a blog to die off after the blogger stops posting? Is it dead yet? Does anybody visit any more?
Perhaps I should buy biscuits in case someone drops by. Perhaps I should sell up and start afresh. I miss blogging, actually.
May 2nd, 2005
