More babyness

January 17th, 2005

It’s weird becoming a Dad.

In the build up to the birth you go through alternating phases of excitement and fear. Excitement because you think of how cool it’s going to be, and fear because you know your life is going to change completely and you’re going to be totally responsible for a new wee life.

After the birth it’s a sense of weird, happy relief. It’s relief because there’s an overwhelming sense that your life has indeed changed, and it’s changed for the better.

Last night though it hit me for the first time while we were sitting in the hospital just what had happened. The fear came back.

It was something like 9pm, and I was struggling to summon up the energy to go to the toilet. It occured to me that I was totally unfit to be a Dad (unfit in the physical sense).

This Dad lark is gonna take way more energy than I have. That’s gonna mean eating properly and stuff. This Dad lark is going to mean a complete change of lifestyle. That suddenly became very real and scary.

The fear has passed again for now. Junior’s still in the hospital until maybe next week so the full impact of things won’t reach reality for a few more days.

Expect bad quality writing from a tired mind.

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