Archive for April, 2004
This morning on the train three kids sit down opposite me in their school uniforms. They look about halfway through high school.
“Look at.. this!” says a girl. She produces a credit card and proudly announces “My own credit card!”
They all look and agree that it’s pretty cool. The girl next to her takes it and compares it to her own, bemoaning the fact that her card has a scratch on it.
“I’d never get one of those,” says the boy at the end, “credit cards are bad”.
“Yes you wi-i-ill”
“Nope. I’ll never get a credit card. I’m going to have just three cards in my wallet; a Switch card, a driving license and an American Express card”
“Isn’t American Express a credit card?”
“Yeah, but it only lets you use it if you have the money in your account”
“Oh right. That’s like the a Switch card. Isn’t that a debit card?”
“I think so. Except I think Switch let you spend money even if you don’t have it.”
“Oh right.”
And with that they left the train and went merrily off to school with their Capital One cards. Hooray for responsible lending!
April 30th, 2004
Holy crap! I just sold an egg on Breedster for a pound. Is this the first recorded instance of a Breedster egg being sold over the web?
Hurray for probable firsts!
Eight more eggs still in my basket. Buy early to avoid disappointment.
April 27th, 2004
I’ve just had some very very very good news indeed and I’ve been phoning people and telling passers by all about it. Unfortunately for legal reasons I’d rather not blog anything yet but I had to at least refer to it so that I feel like I’ve kinda told more people.
In the mean-time, I’m in training all week. C# programming - woo yay!
April 27th, 2004
I am in a flat with my family. We are in the lounge of a very very tall building. I know it’s tall because I can see a fantastic city-scape from the large window.
Somehow I know there is a war of some kind on. People are afraid to walk the streets out of fear.
From the window I can see enormous lamp-posts that stretch into the sky. When the lamp-posts start to move, I realise that they are not lamp-posts, but the legs of enormous mechanical tripods with tank-like pods on the top. Out of one side is a protruding gun and out of the other is the body of Jim Bowen who hangs there, controlling the machine like some kind of freaky cyborg. All of the tripods have a Jim Bowen controlling them.
Jim is wearing a purple jumper, blue trousers and sensible shoes.
A tripod moves into view, right outside the window. Jim Bowen is looking into the window. The tank turret pod rotates and the tank gun breaks the window, aiming right at me. I’m pretty scared.
Then I wake up.
April 26th, 2004
Thanks to an unexpected gas bill, I am now completely without money, and it’s a whole week till payday.
Seriously, I have a snickers bar for lunch that I happen to have in my desk drawer. If it wasn’t for that, I’d starve.
Because of this, I’m selling my breedster eggs. Just deposit £1.00 into the tip jar (Over there on the left, at the bottom of the links section) and I’ll give you an egg*.
Thanks guv’nor.
* Subject to availability. Please check before purchase.
April 23rd, 2004
I have a confession. I had a brief passionate fling with someone I barely know, and now I’m the father of twins. Being a married man, this is a huge inconvenience to me, so I’d like to take this chance to give these burdensome sprogs away to whoever wants them. They need burden me no more and my wife need never know.
Breedster is a genius website, it really is. You run around an insect world, eating, crapping everywhere and shagging whoever you like. You need to be given an egg to join so if you want one of my two babies, let me know.
April 22nd, 2004
All this photography stuff is cool, it really is. The classes are going reasonably well despite the wide range of abilities and ambitions within the class. I was especially relieved last week when gadget-man who brings in his SLR, Digital SLR, PDA and mp3 player every single week showed off a distinctly crap set of holiday snaps.
Note to self: Must not get competitive.
All these f-numbers, focal lengths, film speeds and apertures are actually really simple to get to grips with once you understand how they relate to each other and to the finished picture. Problem-wise, the most common theme in the class, and in me, is trying to work out what to take pictures of in the first place.
The best way to get good pictures is to take shitloads of pictures, but I’m still slightly stumped by the idea that I don’t want to take pictures of just any old crap.
The sun was shining bright though this lunchtime, so I set off up Sauchihall street with my camera with the intention of taking many photos of things that took my fancy. I ended up at the top of the twenty-four hour car park where I could snap away at the scenery undisturbed. That’ll be obstacle number two; wanting to take pictures in places where you don’t stick out like a sore thumb.
If it’s sunny tomorrow, I’ll be out again though. If I go out often enough I’ll get a decent picture in there somewhere.
April 20th, 2004
Hello. I am being held against my will currently at work fixing software bugs of my own free will. I have been fobbed off with two slices of pizza am being treated well. There is no need to worry. I will be fucking tired in the morning home soon.
April 19th, 2004
For some reason I keep thinking about my late Grandpa at the moment. It’s probably because just the other day whilst struggling through the mess of the kitchen cupboard I found the bunnet he gave me. For those who do not know the term ‘bunnet’ you may read it as ‘flat cap’. I’ll try to find a picture of one. Aah, here’s one.
It’s more of an old-man’s hat, (as you can see,) but I keep it anyway. In fact, it’s about the only item of clothing that I keep for purely sentimental reasons.
My Grandpa was a fiercely practical man. He had a tool for every job, just in case he ever had to do that job. I guess he had a fear of being caught in a DIY situation without having the right tools. His favourite shop, I’m sure, was Cornes DIY in the village.
My Grandpa had the most impressive collection of picture hooks and picture hanging implements that I have ever seen. It’s as if he couldn’t pass a DIY shop without going in and couldn’t come back out without buying some picture hooks ‘just in case’ he needed to hand a picture.
I inherited his toolbox, and I’ll never need to buy a picture hook ever again.
I’ll always remember when he and my Gran went on holiday. When they came back he had always bought be some kind of practical gift. No toys from my Grandpa. They came back from holiday once with a screwdriver and socket set for me. I’m not complaining though - it helped to make me the geek I am today.
That’s the reason I love that bunnet. It wasn’t long before he died and me, him, my Dad and my brother were out for a pint or three. This is the one time I was ever out for a pint with him. We went back to see Gran and he showed us his new bunnet that he’d bought that day. So convincing was our delight at new bunnets that he donated his old bunnet to me because it would be chilly on the way home. The old bunnet was identical in size, colour, make and condition to the new one.
I love that bunnet because it’s the only ridiculous thing my Grandpa ever gave me. It reminds me of him because it’s so not him. Apart from that walk home all that time ago, I’ve never worn it again.
April 16th, 2004
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