Google hacks
Add comment March 16th, 2004
Archive for March, 2004
Grrr… people
Dammit! The bare-faced cuntiness of it all! It has now been proven beyond doubt that the woman who is was being paid by us to take the dog out at lunchtimes while we’re at work has in fact, not been bothering to do any such thing. She has, in fact, only been showing up on Fridays to collect the money we’ve left for her like the mugs she took us for.
Needless to say, her ‘help’ is no longer required. I can’t get over the fact that people can be such bastards. If nothing else, it’s cruelty to animals leaving a dog for so long without a piss. I bet she just sat at home counting her dosh laughing at the mugs across the street. Evil bitch.
So dog is now in the temporary care of my folks until we can sort out another solution. I hate to say it, but we don’t have any solutions to choose from. Local kennels don’t have dog-sitting services, and any dog walkers who are within an acceptable distance are fucking expensive. It’s gonna have to be a kennel in the back garden, which isn’t a very good solution. Either that or we admit that we cannot keep her. Which is a terrible solution too.
I still can’t believe someone would do that! I’m too fucking trusting of strangers, that’s my problem.
Add comment March 16th, 2004
Quote me happy
I’ve just found out that my single-glazed, unheated, small, one-bedroom flat in Glasgow is worth about ten grand more than my double-glazed, centrally heated two bedroom semi-detached house with a garden, just outside Glasgow.
Isn’t the Glasgow property market fun?
Add comment March 15th, 2004
Pee
Went to the doctor yesterday to register. It’s only been about six months since I moved to the area, so that’s not actually too bad. Registering involves a basic medical and I was asked to bring a urine sample.
Whilst waiting for the nurse to see me, I realised that I’d forgotten the urine sample. I got that horrible feeling of having forgotten my homework and of awaiting the teacher noticing and demanding a good reason.
What if she wants a sample now? Luckily I did need a piss, but I didn’t want to do it there in the surgery. You know what these ’seen-it-all-before’ medical types are like - she’d probably just draw a curtain over and hand me a jar.
My God, how could I pee under pressure like that? I get blushing kidneys in front of urinals if there’s someone else within five paces of me.
“Are you ok behind that curtain? You’ve been a while…”
“My God, I’m trying! Won’t you be quiet? I’d almost convinced myself you weren’t there!”
No - they must have a toilet - they must have. They probably need one for patients here to see about bladder weakness. It’s essential. I’ll be ok.
“You’re next”
“Right-oh.” Nurse is very nice, very friendly. Blood pressure is fine, height is 190cm, weight is better that I thought it was, and she even gave me a discount for shoes.
“Have you any history of any…”
“I forgot my sample!”
“Er.. right, ok. Take this jar and go to the toilet across the hall. Just hand it to reception on your way out.”
Hand it to reception?! Is she trained for that? My God, I can’t stand in the queue with a pot of piss - what am I going to do while I stand there? Put it in my pocket? Euw!
Right then. Piss in the pot it is. Should be easy enough, I’m almost bursting now. Take aim… concentrate. Must… not… skoosh. At this range, a skoosh would create an embarassing mess. Hold back… hold back… that’s it. A neat, controlled stream.
And stop. Half a jar. Is that enough? How much is a sample? The whole jar? I’m bursting, so I could do it but I don’t fancy the heavy thud and the possible ‘glug’ noise as I stamp it proudly onto the receptionists desk.
Half is fine. Hold back and screw on the cap. Nightmare ideas about discolouring the label are proven unjustified.
Right then - now to get it to reception. The receptionist isn’t there, and there’s no queue - I’ll just wait here with it in front of me, my back to the waiting room…
“Could you come back in for a second?”
The nurse has saved me! She’s saved me from the shame of handing over my pint of piss to the blissfully unknowing cheery receptionist!
“I forgot to do the peak flow breathing test thing”
“Thank fuck for that. Here’s your piss.”
Add comment March 12th, 2004
